Clown Car Crash

The first (and hopefully last) Republican primary debate

TL:DR: You did yourself a favor if you watched the Tucker interview instead. They didn’t play video clips of Trump as originally anticipated, though if they did it would have been the most interesting thing by a mile. Please do not subject yourself to this.

Early debate: I couldn’t find a good stream, the YouTube channel I was on was one of those psych-out ones where it wasn’t actually streaming the debate and were just “discussing it” to farm viewers. Apparently the very first question was about “Rich Men North of Richmond” which honestly I’m glad I missed.

9:10– NJ Governor (can’t remember name atm) looks like he’s running on last night’s Denny’s

9:11- I would rather open my wrists in a warm bath than vote for Tim Scott

9:11– Pence forgetting that no one cares about him outside of his betrayal of Trump

9:12– Vivek seems like he’s very adept at telling people what they want to hear, smile and hand movements just too animated

9:13– My tolerance for Vivek only extends to times when he is attacking DeSantis

9:14– Haley looking bad as hell tonight tbh

9:14- I should call her

9:14- How the heck do people watch this stuff? No one really cares about “stop spending” rhetoric anymore. Libs are building Interahamwe mobs

9:15- Crowd seeming very genuine when they burst into huge cheers for Haley’s “We need an accountant in the White House” line

9:15- Pence is speaking so I’m going to take a leak

9:15– He’s still talking about the national debt. Who cares?

9:16- Vivek needs to stop with the one liners and start attacking DeSantis. NO ONE CARES

9:17– Wow, I just realized DeSantis was still on stage. Honestly, the more kind of awkward and dejected he looks the more I sympathize with him. He struggles as we struggle. The world’s loneliest man

9:18- DeSantis started yelling and the Rumble stream froze. Ghost in the machine

9:19- DeSantis rolling out the “Fauci, you are fired” line again. There’s nothing organic about any of his statements, you can tell they were drilled into his head, perhaps for months

9:20- Just found out that Doug Burgum existed, great head of hair. Do we hate him?

9:21- Burgum giving everyone a breather. Something about batteries?

9:22- Asa Hutchinson really is the smarmiest generic R that’s ever crawled out of a test tube. This really is like a time machine debate.

9:23- I’ve already committed to watching this but I really should have gone with the Tucker interview. This isn’t even funny it’s just kind of sad.

9:24- Is young peoples’ biggest issue really climate change? Seems like a bit.

9:24- DeSantis stepping in, activated. His handlers really need to understand that him “going off” doesn’t really work when he’s quiet as a church mouse otherwise.

9:25- WHO CARES

9:26- Christie’s ChatGPT line is funny, though he looks like he might keel over delivering it.

9:27- Do people actually care about climate change? It feels insulting to substantively engage with this issue.

9:27- Moderator: “Tim Scott, are you bought and paid for?” Scott: “Absolutel-” sadly he recovered quickly

9:28- Play the Trump clips, everyone is sick of this shit!

9:29- On to commercials. How long is this debate?

9:31-Are white people back in commercials again? Bud Light effect incredible to watch.

9:35- Abortion questions/answers illustrating why Trump (moderate centrist with 100% popular views) was smart to not attend. The less Republicans talk about this, the better their general election chances.

9:37- DeSantis doing cartwheels on specifics. Moderators secret patriots? Again, the benefit of Trump, even when what he says is kind of confusing everyone knows exactly what he means.

9:38- Pence ZZZZZZZ

9:40-Burgum back on stage. He still exists. He looks like he belongs on the dollar bill.

9:40-Burgum pulls out a pocket constitution, honestly it works. I’m rooting for him. Hope he begins to attack DeSantis soon. Haven’t really been paying attention to what he’s been saying though it matters as much as what the other candidates are saying (0)

9:41- Asa Hutchenson thinks he has the ability to be sanctimonious on any issue after vetoing the child transition bill.

9:43- Haley saying people should be asking Biden and Harris these questions. That’d be much more interesting!

9:44- Urban carnage questions, might be good?

9:45- Pence talking about tax cuts?

9:46- Overt anti-homeless policy is the crown in the gutter of American politics (Trump already picked it up and is wearing the crowd)

9:46- Christie calling out how worthless and politicized federal prosecutors are, good stuff (Trump already did it)

9:47- Vivek’s hand motions are really distracting. Like a bad Ted Talk explaining that you’re being laid off

9:48- Vivek saying there’s a national identity crisis/mental health epidemic which is contributing to crime. True, demoralized public is real problem (Trump will fix this)

9:49- Pence attacking Vivek from 2004

9:50- DeSantis rematerializing on the debate stage to “go off” yet again. I will say that he does deserve a lot of credit for shitcanning those Soros prosecutors.

9:51- Dollar bill man mentioning small town crime wave?

9:51- Nope, giving Try That in a Small Town recap

9:52- Why is Hutchinson even here? He’s not even good as generic R. How much money do people get for running for President?

9:52- Hutchinson demanding that Trump respect incompetent Soros prosecutors

9:53- Still no Trump clips, they need to play one the 2015 Can’t Stump the Trump vids

9:56-Patriot Power Generation 200X ad, hell yeah

9:58-The debate is 2 hours? Not sure how much longer I can take it

9:58- Trump mugshot is going to be so good

9:59- So funny to watch them delay raising their hands on supporting Trump if convicted

10:00- Vivek giving good answer attacking Christie, he needs to stop moving his hands. Christie looks like he might eat him.

10:02- Crowd rising up in righteous anger, play the Trump clips!

10:02- Continuously filibustering Christie is a bad look tbh. Trump would have handled it better.

10:04- Vivek interrupting Scott with generic answer about defanging political DOJ. Just attack DeSantis.

10:05- DeSantis emerging from the shadows to give the perfectly composed answers he was no doubt drilled on for hundreds, perhaps thousands of hours.

10:06- Are none of these people funny?

10:06- “Mike did his duty, I have no beef with him” DeSantis unscripted leaves much to be desired

10:06- Ok back on script

10:07- Patriot moderators saying that Trump is beating DeSantis by 30 points, which is lowballing it but funny

10:07- Rumble has mercifully frozen to prevent me from hearing Hutchenson’s answer though his ghoulish visage is frozen on the screen

10:08- It came back with people booing him

10:08- The female moderator is scrappy

10:10- Haley leaving love for Trump up to the states

10:11- Burgum (still real) demanding the moderators move on, the voice of the people

10:11- Vivek is too animated even when he’s saying all the right things. Trump moves with tank controls, grace and deliberation.

10:12- Pence giving his one man show, I’m taking another leak (kidney issues?)

10:14- Ukraine time

10:14- DeSantis a half-hand raise about cutting funding for Ukraine? Something about China

10:15- KEEV

10:15- Christie giving a rehash of anti-German WWI propaganda

10:17- All this talk about Trump’s unacceptable engagement with Putin at a non-superficial level reminded me of Trump’s great off the cuff response to questions on Kim Jong Un. Talked about how hard it must have been to be a young man in that situation. Showed real sensitivity.

10:18- Pence making a compelling case targeted at people 30 years ago who are also morons

10:19- The bell sound is so funny

10:19- Vivek Ukraine war comments I think are going to be just too unpopular. Most people have no idea what you’re talking about when you go into the background of the conflict or talk about finances. Trump’s line “we need to end the war immediately, it’s a tragedy” strikes a much better balance.

10:21- Haley talking about 3% of the defense budget as if that couldn’t fund 10 different moonshot projects that would dramatically improve everyone’s quality of life

10:22- Vivek getting girlbossed by Haley over Israel. Again, I think he’s just getting too much into the weeds here

10:23- Haley sucks so much

10:24- DeSantis rappelling in briefly to talk about shooting border crossers STONE COLD DEAD. If he had made this a part of a message to begin with then perhaps his political fortunes would be different

10:25- Dollar bill man giving everyone another chance to take a breather

10:26 -Scott occasionally has like rhythm to his remarks, possible memory aid?

10:27- North Dakota Troops Night Helicopter Missions

10:28- Pence getting taken to the doghouse by moderator

10:28- Lethal force for border crossers question somehow getting botched by Hutchenson. Will DeSantis be the only one who gets this right?

10:30- DeSantis being asked what he thinks of Sicario 2: Day of the Soldado (it was really underrated)

10:30- Pence’s energy is fading. Disney autonomation mannerisms taking over

10:33- Immigration is one of those issues where it’s almost insulting to discuss the merits of this or that policy to improve the situation. I don’t think anyone has any illusions that the border is effectively open and Democrats support unlimited immigrants. Blanket disapproval and moving on is best approach

10:35- Up next, education questions

10:39- Honestly, declining reading is probably a good thing given what the kids would normally be forced to read in schools

10:41- Vivek good answer on school choice. I think this is probably the future of education policy. There’s going to be a huge push to ban homeschooling from libs as the achievement gap between homeschooled/public school kids becomes more and more obvious

10:42- Burgum looks like an actor from a car insurance (?) commercial playing George Washington. Still not listening what he’s saying though he’s clearly valuable in droning on to disrupt the other candidates’ really boring arguments with comforting white noise

10:44- Haley talking about reading remediation reminds me of that great tweet where a guy QTed some moron teacher union person saying Shakespeare was being dropped being like “Uh we can’t teach the blowjob book so we banned Shakespeare”

10:46- Mental and physical tests for Presidents reminds me of a ritual that early Egyptian Pharaohs had to do. They had to like do sprints and mock battles every 15 years and forced everyone to watch them just to prove they were still combat ready. Strongly recommend the Great Courses Lectures on Ancient Egyptian History

10:47- Vivek mentions the multiracial working class majority

10:48- Hutchenson’s face is really upsetting. It’s been interesting how widespread use of Botox has changed how older people look. Easy to forget just how bizarre Nancy Pelosi and others appear when compared to other people their age.

10:49- Scott has good BREAK THE BACKS of the teachers union line

10:49-Stupid mandatory military boomerbait question that DeSantis skillfully dodges and transitions to wokeness

10:50 – Christie: “I get the UFO question?” kek but it fits him. Good to see more people beating up teacher’s unions

10:52- Closing arguments

10:54- Closing statements mention the very important “only 20% of Zoomers are proud to be American” stat

10:58- Dollar bill man really botching his answer, mentioning a bunch of economic stuff. Again, people are getting caught up in specific policies. Only Trump was able to offer a real vision

10:59-Hutchinson’s snake mannerisms and sickening permanent grin is a brutal reminder of low human capital among R pols used to be before Trump

11:00- Mentioning websites in closing statements is so tacky

11:01- Christie says that Reagan won in a blue state to show how impressive he is but California really used to be politically dynamic until the late 90s

11:02- Haley talking about her husband, he’s not running!

11:03- Really funny to see Pence give generic R lines while the bell impotently rings over him

11:04- I’m sorry guys, I just don’t see it with Vivek

11:05- Honestly DeSantis didn’t do as bad as I was expecting, but it’s all too rehearsed. Not anywhere close to the home run he needed. It’s not organic. He’s just not there.

Winners of the Debate: President Trump, people who watched the Tucker interview instead of this