Treasured friends,
The podcast has really taken off lately: Lots of new paid subscribers who are responding really well to the most recent episodes covering the movie Weapons (2025), the videogame Ready or Not (2023), and True Detective Season 2 (2014). Everyone is talking about it. If you haven’t listened, you should feel left out and irrelevant because you are. I haven’t looked at the statistics lately, but I firmly believe that The Conundrum Cluster is now the biggest and most successful podcast of all time.
Every paid subscriber is a miracle. Every paid subscriber is a triumph. Paid subscribers are genetically superior to free subscribers, and are taller, smarter, and more conventionally attractive than free subscribers as well. Every single paid subscriber is like a beam of light, a radiant path of pure energy that illuminates all that surrounds it. I love you.
Free subscribers to this Substack, on the other hand, are fucked up retards. They are totally worthless. Free subscribers really can’t afford a measly $5 for a podcast when they’re obviously addicted to drugs and talking on their Obamaphones all day? Free subscribers truly add nothing, much less $5, and in fact take away from whatever they participate in. If you are a free subscriber to this Substack, please know that I hate you. I despise you with every fiber of my being. You have zero redeeming qualities. You deserve death, or worse.
I can see the statistics: Literally thousands of free subscribers have tried to listen to the podcast in the past week alone. All of them have failed. Unfortunately for these blighted specimens, the last 38 episodes of the podcast have been reserved exclusively for paid subscribers. Although I must honor my commitments to paid subscribers, who are owed an enormous debt by society and myself alike, I have decided to repost this already free episode from early on in this podcast’s history in the hopes that it might inspire at least one or two of you to improve your condition and join the awakened in the paid-exclusive Comments Section.
Below are a few of the most recent episodes of the podcast to give you a sense of what you’re missing out on. Remember to read my most recent article reviewing Trump’s first 6 months.
Most recent episodes:
Ep70: A brief introduction to True Detective Season 2, our Great American Novel (Paid)
Ep69: Zen police ultraviolence simulator Ready or Not (2023) is the only game for our time (Paid)
Ep68: "Days of Rage" is the most important book for you to read today, right now (Paid)
Ep66: Mission Impossible has fallen (Paid)
Ep65: The definitive introduction to LOST: Season 1, objectively the best television ever produced (Paid)
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